Survey reports 82% of parents are lonely: Britain’s parental loneliness is an invisible epidemic

A recent survey commissioned by the family support charity, Home-Start, warns of a loneliness epidemic among UK parents. In the past year alone, Home-Start has seen a 29% increase in families supported. Of the many findings, those hit hardest are single parents, younger parents, and those on low incomes.

With the high cost of living being the leading factor (48%) and more than one in three children and a quarter of adults living in poverty in Britain today, it is not surprising that 82% of parents have reported feelings of loneliness.

Fahima, a single mother from London, has benefitted from the charity’s services. At seven months pregnant and with a four-year-old daughter in tow, Fahima found herself desolate, homeless, and living in a B&B. The growing reliance on temporary accommodation raises concerns, and new government figures reveal that over 150,000 children across the country are living in hostels and B&Bs. The Government’s minister for Homelessness, Rushanara Ali, has called the issue a "national scandal.”

In 2020 when Covid was at its peak, Fahima was living with her mum and four siblings. As tensions at home reached breaking point, her mental health deteriorated. Unable to deal with the relentless fighting, she felt her only option was to leave. After two weeks in a B&B, the Council moved her and her daughter to a hostel. She didn’t know it then, but it was to be home for the next nine and a half months.

The 34-year-old was shocked to discover that she wasn’t the only family staying at the hostel. While this allowed parents and their children to bond, it became a hotbed of chaos. “I remember being in the bathtub, about to give birth and scared, and a man was hammering at the door,” she explains. “I was severely depressed, anxious, had insomnia and intrusive thoughts. That was my rock bottom.” Both Fahima and her daughter also witnessed “another tenant beaten up, as well as men and domestic abuse survivors living there.” Although she informed her housing officer, they did not act. She believes her local Council’s negligence was a sign “they didn’t care.”

Housing vulnerable parents and their children in precarious accommodation raises significant concerns and Fahima responds emphatically when asked whether this is common practice. When she eventually left the hostel, “a lot of people remained and some had been there for three or four years. I always had my stuff packed,” she shares.

Fahima gave birth to her youngest daughter while at the hostel, but in the year that followed she barely spoke to anyone. She is bubbly, personable, and full of life as we talk over Zoom: so how did she end up in such a dark place? “I’m an extrovert, I’ve always loved kids, and I always thought motherhood came naturally.” Despite the presence of friends and family, Fahima drew further inward. “I already had a child prior so this was a new feeling. I also lost a few friendships.” She now knows she was suffering from postnatal depression.

When her youngest turned one, the Council placed the family in a flat while they waited - and continue to wait - for permanent housing. Despite leaving the hostel, Fahima’s mental health struggles persisted. At that point, she was referred to Home-Start by her perinatal team. She was matched with a volunteer who became “pivotal” in her recovery. Her volunteer visited her weekly; they went for walks, and talked, and “she was someone I could genuinely be authentic with.” Her needs were discussed and steps were taken to reintegrate Fahima into the community.

Although the Autumn budget outlined extended funding for the Family Hub programme for the next financial year, Home-Start and other charities are urging the Government to provide a longer-term policy and for this work to be expanded into all local authorities. Fahima insists that without this long-term commitment, the situation would be “dire.”

Fahima believes the lack of “real conversation about motherhood” is driving this epidemic, with Covid having exacerbated the issue. She also thinks it has long been prevalent: an invisible crisis. “As mums, you’re constantly scared of judgement and if you’re not coping, there’s guilt, which creates seclusion.”

Although technically discharged from the charity - they provide services until the child is two - Fahima admits that “Home-Start doesn’t leave you which is the best part.” She has remained friends with other parents and has been invited to Christmas parties. “I took refuge in Home-Start, going to their programmes, baby groups, and that’s where I stayed until I could survive,” she insists.

Fahima's daughters have also felt the impact. Her 8-year-old developed severe anxiety as a result of living at the hostel. “She didn’t sleep and was wetting the bed. They created activities for her to complete after school and encouraged mindfulness and journaling and she came along to the trips,” says Fahima. Home-Start’s intervention has been integral to her daughters’ progress and her eldest is thriving. “She’s doing amazing at school, she’s confident and extremely sassy,” she laughs. Her 5-year-old is currently awaiting an autism assessment, thanks in part to Home-Start’s referral to Early Years, who equipped Fahima to understand her daughter better.

In addressing this crisis, Home-Start is calling for greater recognition of the impact of isolation on parents and for the creation of compassionate communities to help parents raise their children. The proverb ‘it takes a village to raise a child' feels especially apt.

The family of three is registered on their local Council’s bidding system, but their “needs don’t seem to be up there.” Despite contesting an almost 200% rent hike due to the flat’s poor condition - mould and no lift access - she admits, “there’s very little you can do. It’s a messed up system.” In defiance of her housing troubles, Fahima is looking toward the future. “I feel optimistic,” she beams. She has reconciled with old friends and is “enjoying being a parent.” She even treated the family to a holiday in Majorca last summer. “The only issue was getting my youngest out of the pool,” she chuckles.

Fahima’s life is a world away from her previous one. She has started a new job as a Peer Link Support Worker for the perinatal team that supported her at the start of her journey. “I’m also a parent governor - why not?” And at the start of this year, she will have begun volunteering with Home-Start, the charity she calls a “lifesaver.” “I’m in my giving back era,” she adds. Fahima’s newfound confidence now means she “feels like we can achieve anything.”

So, what would she say to a parent feeling lonely? “Ask for every kind of help out there and think about the ‘after’ afterward,” she reflects. She is adamant that resilience, self-advocacy, and time are required to see results. “I know there are barriers with healthcare, especially if you look a certain way, but you have to be resilient in advocating for yourself. I wouldn’t be as open now without being vulnerable first.”